The Story of Splatchscrumpler: An Evil Toad

Down in the valley there was a deep, dark forest. In the deep, dark forest there was a muggy swamp. The swamp was full of fog, mud and slimy goo. In this swamp lived a toad named The Splatchscrumpler. He was the only toad in the whole swamp and lived in the hole at the edge of the frothbungling mud pit.  The air was full of a revolting stench caused by The Splatchscrumpler’s farts. It smelt like if you mashed old smelly sardines into a bucket full of rotten eggs and mouldy carrots. Splatchscrumpler was the most ugliest, biggest, wartiest, meanest, greediest toad of them all.  His skin was a splotchy dark green and so lumpy and slippery that he went squelch when he plopped around. If you touched him your hand would wrinkle up and fall off right away because it was so unbelievably disgusting. His face was dry cow pat hit with a heavy spade and peering underneath were two eyes: beady,menacing and glaring.  Splatchscrumpler was extremely large, so large in fact, that if all the hippopotamuses in the world were to stand on top of each other Splatchscrumpler would still be the heaviest. But how did he get so large you ask?  Well it all began a long, long time ago.

When Splatchscrumpler was a little toad he had a lot of fun with his many little toad friends. Back then, the swamp was a bright blue, shimmering pond and, instead of nasty farts, in the air was the fresh scent of blossoming honeysuckle. The bright sun shone through the leaves as all the critters danced and played amongst the lush green grass and buttercups which surrounded the pond. One sunny, jolly day, The Splatchscrumpler and his mates were playing cricket; their most favourite game. The Splatchscrumpler didn’t like to lose. He was the most competitive toad in the business. He had never lost a game of cricket in his entire toad life and he was determined to keep it this way. Little did he know that this was all about to change. Despite him batting with all his might, The Splatchscrumpler was outrun by the enemy team. The Splatchscrumpler was mortified and overcome with ferocious rage. He needed revenge. His dark green skin turned to a scathing scarlet and his chest ballooned outward as he erupted with a deafening ribbit which silenced the entire forest. His ginormous pink tongue coiled around all ten of his friends  and they were swiftly plummeted into his gaping mouth. It didn’t stop there: every insect in a five mile radius, lily pads, flowers, small fish, frogs, big fish, squirrels, small birds, large birds, badgers, foxes, wild boar, trees and an entire Tesco Express down the road found their way into The Splatchscrumpler’s belly. Before he knew it, the once spectacular forest was a barren wasteland. To any decent toad this would be a tragedy, but to our old friend The Splatchscrumpler, this was a victory. He was now the ruler of the toad kingdom – no one could get in his way – or so he thought......

Also in the swamp lived Phillip. Phillip was the only frog left in the swamp and had been hiding up in the tree tops to escape The Splatchscrumpler’s evil wrath. Phillip was a vivid shade of green and his skin was completely smooth and felt like a soft pebble. For a frog, he was remarkably clever. He was skilled at chess, knew martial arts, enjoyed writing poetry and could swim faster than a cheetah chasing a gazelle. Phillip, however, was incredibly lonely. All his friends had been eaten which left nobody for Phillip to play chess with. Phillip wrote a poem about how sad he was. It went like this:

I am lonely, I must confess

For there is no one who wants to play chess

Lonely in my tree I’ve sat in for years

So lonely am I, that it brings tears.

Lonely and sad I just want to play

But all of my friends have gone away.

One day, Phillip woke up and decided he had enough of this.  Like a courageous warrior he made his way down to the frothbungling mud pit. He yelled out to the sleeping giant in his dark hole “Oi oi Splatchscrumpler.”

His eyes narrowed as he croaked “Why have you stirred me you sickly wretch, let me rest or I’ll make you my lunch.”

Before The Splatchscrumpler could even blink, Phillip drop kicked him in the belly. Everything that The Splatchscrumpler had ever eaten, including every inhabitant of the forest, came pouring out of his mouth like a waterfall. The Splatchscrumpler croaked his last words "you are a silly little frog" before he sank back into the mud pit to die.

Phillip's friends, all covered in The Splatchscrumpler's slime, rejoiced and cheered; "Phillip! you've saved us all!" 

They decided to host a party to celebrate Phillip's bravery and victory. 

Every frog danced on the lily pad to Mambo Number 5 (the Frog's favourite song) as the sun set on the muggy swamp.

THE END